Weak Against You
by lockerdreams
Summary: Bella wants Edward to change her. But he won't. So she finds another way to make him do it. But it doesn't turn out successful. Not at all. The shattered Edward is in search for suicide helpers. But the newly imprinted Jacob can't let him do that. When they both learn that, there comes a time when Edward won't be the stronger one. He's helpless under Jacob's love. And his power.
1. Chapter 1

Bella moaned on top of me. Her tender, plump lips sucked on my upper lip teasingly after she caught her breath. My hand went around her waist and the other one cupped her right cheek. She was so soft and warm.

Her hair and the grass tingled my skin, but it didn't bother me. All I could think of was Bella. Here, close to me. Kissing me. It was incredible. Marvellous.

"Hey, Edward", she said as our kissing spree started to fade away for a moment. She pulled my shirt to get me to sit, but of course couldn't force me, so I obeyed her by her intentions and sat up with her between my legs.

The sun lighted her deep brown hair beautifully and it shined healthily. It also brought out her deep red highlights. I twirled one of those locks around my pale finger. So smooth...

"Yes, dear?" I asked and locked my eyes softly with her chocolate brown ones. A smile tucked bashfully on her face and she looped an arm behind my back as she leaned on my chest. I was a little worried that she could get cold like that, but the sun was shining on our meadow so brightly and probably was warm enough to heat her, so she wouldn't cold against me.

This was one of the rare days it actually shined in Forks. It was welcomed to all of us. We were tired of the gloomy, overcasted weathers.

Suddenly she kissed me again, but with more passion than before. I answered it greedily, but I couldn't get too into the lust and I got to hold myself back so I wouldn't hurt her. I pulled back just before the finale.

That made her huff again. She furrowed delicately her brows at me. Angry.

"Bella", I began, but she stopped me before I could say the same things I do always. She just won't listen to me to understand me the first time.

"I'm tired of this! I love you Edward, but you got to give in already. We can't go on like this forever. Especially when there's no forever. Not for me at least. You got to change me. We will lose everything if you don't. Baby, you must understand me. Don't you want to share your eternity with me? Are you afraid you will get bored of me, but you're too polite to actually tell so to me honestly? Please, just tell me so we can get over it. I don't want you to hold me anything with me", she told me frustration beaming under her light, but seriously demanding tone.

"Please, Bella. Will you ever believe me, when I tell you that I'm not going to take your soul from you. It isn't right. It's against nature and humanity. Don't make me do that. I love you, Bella and I don't want to ever lose you, but if I turn you into a vampire I will lose you already. I will lose your soul."

She shakes her head and gets up and stands her back to me. A breeze flits her hair to my direction and her blood sings to me with it. Her smell is as incredible as she is.

She's right that this cannot continue on like this. It won't hold long. But I don't want to turn her to a vampire either. And I don't want to leave her again. I can't. I promised her, and I don't think I could do that anyway. It's too hard.

What is there to do?

"Change me", Bella's voice sounds low even to Edward's ears. The tone is threatening. What could she do? Leave me? No! She can't!

_She could. She should. She will. It will happen when she dies if not before. _

"Bella", I sighed feeling tired somehow. I want this discussion to be over already.

"You'll change me", she said sounding even more threatening and demanding. I get concerned. What will she do? What would she ever do to make me change her?

She span around her eyes glaring with fierce. She jumps on me and reflexly I land on my back, hoping it will make her landing softer. Her face is right in front of mine and then she takes something from her bag that's right next to her.

Before I know it, she has cut herself with a sharp razor on her hand. Deep, fresh wound oozing with tempting blood. It flows down her arm which she raises in front of my face. My expression turn from worry to fear. Terror.

I can't help it how all my senses focus on the wound, on the blood. I stare at the cut with the temptation to drink all of it. All of it from her. I feel as my eyes turn completely black from thirst. The pain in my throat increases to unbelievable heights.

"No Bella", I said through gritted teeth. No, I must not drink her blood. No, no, no, no...

"Drink. And change me", she demanded her voice firm. She absolutely crazy. How could she do something like this? Put herself in this type of danger just so I would do as she wants and change her? Doesn't she even care that I don't want to do what every vampire instinct and _her _are telling me to do? To drink every bit of blood that is meant and made for me. No. She doesn't care it seems.

I put my palm on around her cut and don't care if she struggles to get it from my hand. "I won't change you", I told her. No, I won't. It wouldn't be right. "Get off of me, Edward! Just change me already!" No, she's insane. She hits and punches and kicks at me. They don't hurt me physically, but emotionally yes.

"Please, stop it Bella. You will just hurt yourself", I tried to reason her. She yells and fights even more fiercely. The blood comes through my fingers and I just want to lick it off.

"Fuck!" she suddenly screams in pain and it makes me realize I have broken her arms. I have broken her a bone. Oh my God. How could I? I need to get out of here. So she could be somehow a bit safer. But with a deep cut and a broken arm it wouldn't be safe to leave her here alone. And to send her out on her own. But I can't stay with her like this. I might bite her if I will.

Where's Alice? Can't she see this? I need her!

I release Bella's arm immediately and apologize her. She holds her arm hissing in pain. But as I do that the blood just flows faster. Dammit.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I need to get help, just stay here and try to suppress the blood from flowing", I told her and get up. She does the opposite. And she quickly puts her blood covered hand on my mouth and I can't help it anymore. It's on my tongue. It's everywhere.

I fall down on my knees as if I were weak. And I am, against her blood. I lick and then I shift to the cut. I close my eyes and hum in pleasure. It's better there. And I drink.

This is _incredible__. So much better. _

I drink. And I grip. She's so soft. So smooth. So warm.

But soon she becomes cold. And I hear dull whimpering. I began to come to my senses.

_No._

This can't be real. No. No. No. No... This is not right. This mustn't be real. It can't be. No...

She lays limply in my arms. Most her fragile frame crushed from my hands. She's completely cold and still. There's no blood in her veins, her heart won't beat. Her eyes don't blink. There's no life in those brown eyes.

She is dead.

_No_...


	2. Chapter 2

Anguish, tremendous guilt, sorrow. Edward was unmistakable crushed by what just had happened. He shook Bella, trying to get her to wake up, or even start to change into a vampire. But Bella was already gone. She couldn't change anymore, her heart didn't beat at all.

Edward couldn't believe what he had done. He couldn't comprehend that the one and only love of his life had left. And that _he _the cause of it. Edward, the one Bella could trust and love. He had just killed her. It was the most horrible thing that he could have done.

"Bella, Bella, please wake up. I'm sorry. I'm really, really, really sorry. Please, Bella, please wake up. I'm so sorry. I love you, please come back to me. I'm so sorry. Please...", Edward's broken voice continued the tantra which the did in trying to get Bella back to him. Hope was lost in him, but he still wished her to wake up. Because she couldn't die. Not from his hands. No.

But it did happen.

Alice, Carlisle and Emmett were the first ones to come to the meadow. They all wore shocked, sorrowful and fearful masks on their faces as they reached Edward and the cold, still, _dead_ body of Bella.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't see it soon enough. I cannot believe this happened", Alice said her voice laced with sadness and empathy. She wasn't the only one who couldn't believe what was in front of them. Nobody blamed Edward. Of course not. No one could bend so far around the blood of their singer. Bella had caused this to happen herself. Or so the others thought. Edward thought this was his fault and only his.

Carlisle walked up to Edward and then kneeled down to his side. "Edward, we're terribly sorry for your loss. She's gone now, we can't do anything about. Please, let's go home now", Carlisle began. He knew Edward wouldn't budge from Bella's side in a long time so he didn't do any movements informing of going back to the house. He just put his arm around his son's shoulders and squeezed tight, hoping it comforted Edward.

Edward was scared. He was whimpering while he watched as Bella became colder and stiffer on the ground. More dead-looking. Edward's eyes were crazed and wide. "Nooo", his voice quivered quietly. Carlisle sighed.

"Emmett can take her to the hospital. We can say that an animal attacked her while on your camping trip and she didn't make it, and your injuries were so severe that you had to be transferred to a bigger hospital in Seattle. That part will be covered then", Carlisle told him.

An animal attack killed Bella. Yes, that seemed appropriate as Edward basically was an emotionless animal who killed anyone who got in their way. How mad and sad Charlie will be knowing he lost her only daughter in the care of Edward Cullen. The boyfriend Bella's father never trusted...

"This isn't your fault Edward. We are vampires, we cannot deal with that sort of things. They are too much against us even if our humanity were a strong opponent against vampirity. Partly it was really her own fault. She had to know you couldn't have that much strength against her blood. She was your singer. She tested you in an awful way and this is how it ended. What happened, happened. We cannot do anything about it anymore", Carlisle tried to explain some sense into Edward's head. But he wouldn't listen.

Edward wept silently, venom burned in his eyes, when he needed to cry. He hummed brokenly, his lips quivering, and stroked Bella's hand at the same time.

Jasper, Esme and Rosalie came then to the meadow. Esme had a white blanket in her hands which were shaking slightly. She didn't want to look at Bella. She wasn't that much sad than angry to her. She was sad because she was dead, of course. But angry because she had caused it on herself and made Edward feel guilty. However she went and put the blanket over Bella's tangled body and lifted her in her arms gracefully. Bella's brown hair fell downwards and showed from under the blanket. Edward looked at it miserably. His topaz eyes were hard as stone instead the usual liquid form. He didn't give up her hand, so Carlisle had to loosen his hand from hers and then clasped Edward's hand in his own.

"I'm sorry. I can't stay here, it's too much... I can't", Jasper apologized when he had to leave back home. The emotions coming from Edward's direction were far too painful for Jasper to handle them. "I'll go with him. See you in a bit", Alice told the others and went after her husband, not wanting him to be left alone like this.

Edward's tense back suddenly went limp and pressed against Carlisle's hard chest. The father form of the Cullen clan teenagers put his arms around his son's lithe, lanky frame protectively. He hoped he could take all the pain of his son away, and make what happened undone. But like he said himself, it couldn't be undone.

The others decided to leave and planned what would happen to Bella's body, and then made the arrangements for it. Carlisle stayed there with Edward and comforted him by rubbing his arms and running his fingers through the bronze mass of hair. His son still shrivelled in front of his eyes. Edward's head slumped down and went completely silent. He didn't even breath, though that wasn't necessary for vampires anyway. But in the long run it would become uncomfortable. But Edward was already uncomfortable. He couldn't live with himself knowing he killed her love. The beautiful, kind, good-hearted Bella. The only who loved Edward just because she did. Except his family of course.

Three hours passed by and the sun disappeared behind the trees. Some emerald green light gloomed on their faces.

"I'm truly sorry for what happened here. You have all the right to mourn for Bella, but we got to move on still. It won't do us any good to stay here at least. Let's go home, son", Carlisle requested. He watched closely, but Edward didn't make a move or a sound. But that meant he didn't refrain nor agreed with it. So Carlisle just ceased on carrying Edward as he himself didn't seem to be in a shape to, well really do anything.

He had become catatonic.


	3. Chapter 3

Carlisle and Edward returned home, the run just taking two minutes, thanks to vampire speed. Edward's eyes had turned into a bright red shade from the blood within the three hours they spent outside. Like rubies they were now.

Edward was in agony, but kept the blood stilling screams inside of him and only showed of a quiet shield. He hoped Jasper couldn't _feel _him, so he wouldn't hurt him in any way with his boiling emotions. However how strong he tried to look - which didn't really work that well as he looked to be in tiny shambles - by the time they were on the steps to the backdoor, Jasper falled down to his knees inside.

Alice took him elsewhere and soothed him back to some stage of normality. They would remain in a hotel until Edward's emotions would calm down enough.

This saddened Carlisle, how his children had to leave their home for this. But naturally he was more concerned about Edward and how this affected him. He wished with all his might that Edward wouldn't do anything reckless and extreme. Like going to Volterra again.

Carlisle carried Edward with him inside and brought him to his room. There was a huge twin bed that had been bought for Bella's sake, when she was having a sleepover with Alice and Rosalie. Mainly with Alice. Rosalie never was very fond of Bella. She envied her for being human, but wasting it to be a vampire. So what had happened today made Rosalie enraged. How_ dare_ she make Edward do something like that? She deserved to be dead now. But still Rosalie hoped Bella would be alive or even a vampire instead, because she saw what this did to her brother.

When Edward laid on the covers he tensed. Bella's scent hit him like a ton of bricks. He wanted to yell and cry and fall down. Die. His shield started to crumble, but he soon recovered and put the smithereens back in place as Carlisle put his hand on his own. "I'll go make you a bath. I'll be back in a bit", he said softly and caressed Edward's face for a moment. There was blood on his clothes and hands. There had been blood around his mouth- when Bella had pressed her blood covered hand on his lips - had spread out all over his face, and then had dried, but Carlisle had cleaned it off at the meadow already.

Edward was engaged in his self-loathing and hatred that he didn't notice it, when Carlisle took him to the bathroom and undressed him for the bath. The warmness of the water woke him up slightly and realized where he was again. He looked at the sponge in Carlisle's pale hand puzzled, and then became self-conscious. But Carlisle seemed so relax and comfortable that even he yielded to nonchalance.

In no time Edward was back in bed, but now under the soft and thick golden covers. He didn't think he deserved the solicitude however he didn't have the strength to demur. He felt exhausted and on the bed, all he wanted was to be able to sleep and forget. Instead everything was clear and carved to his memory forever.

Hee did feel strong in the physical manner, as if just killing Bella and losing her wasn't tormenting enough. He had to feel full and strong from doing so. As if it was a plus of her death.

Carlisle told him a little while back that he had to go back to the hospital, take care of the _business _related to Bella and his son being in the other hospital. E They would need to tell Charlie too. That was going to be awful. Edward would have wanted Charlie beat him if he wouldn't be invulnerable. He would be intact, but Charlie on the other hand not. The opposite way it was supposed to be.

Esme came to watch Edward. He felt like he was being babysitted which he hated, but at the same time he couldn't thank enough for his family being there for him, even though he didn't want it and it didn't make him feel any more _good_.

Why this has to be like this? Why can't this all be just a bad, bad dream? It couldn't be real, Edward thought hopelessly. He placed his hand on his wrist and gripped on it painfully hard. It was good. The feeling of pain outside of his head and chest. It only felt on his wrist and arm. He squeezed harder and harder until a strange sound was heard. Like porcelain cracking, but not completely breaking apart. Screeching. It hurt the sensitive ears of the vampires and even humans and _other creatures._ Esme had been reading a book next to Edward on the bed. Her other hand was tangling and untangling Edward's bronze hair.

She turned her head around to meet Edward's ruby eyes full of sadness and guilt, but odd _satisfaction._ "What was that?" she asked worried, her brows frowning, and then pulled the covers off of Edward's torso in a quick move, where she had heard the sound come from. She saw Edward's hand.

Edward's wrist had a terrible, deep wound -or a crack really - that was painful enough to watch. It followed up his arms and down his palm and came apart in different directions. Esme rose it up being both confused and understanding. Vampires were quick at thinking consistently, therefore Esme already understood what and why Edward had done this to himself. She covered the wound with her hand and pressed against it but very gently.

"You mustn't do that to yourself, Edward. Don't hurt yourself purposely, please. It won't solve anything, dear. It will only hurt you more", as she said this to Edward the cracks were already healing and coming back together. It hurt even more than the breaking. And that almost made Edward smile, whatever Esme said. But he didn't want to hurt his mother by his actions. He promised to stop it, by looking Esme apologizilly and nodding once.

Esme sighed and put her book aside. She continued to 'play' with Edward's hair and gazed at his marvellous features. Edward glanced at the clock on the wall on his left. It was ten pm already. Carlisle will probably be home soon. It would only be logical that they would give him some time off after the incident.

"Darling, I know how you loved Bella very much. But what she did was selfish in all ways. However it might have resulted. I'm not saying that I or anyone would have wanted her to die, because we knew how much that would hurt you and it did, but maybe this is for the best. That she is out of our lives. Though the way for it wasn't the best", Esme suddenly said in a low tone.

Edward flinched from Esme's words and rage consumed him. He needed air. He felt anxious, angry and even nauseous. How could she say that? And most importantly, how could she be right? It was true, Bella was a human and she didn't belong in a world of vampires or any other inhuman creatures. But Bella had once said that she belonged with Edward. And Edward couldn't outlaw that. But where did he belong now that Bella was gone?

Well, Edward would have to go with her. Of course. Like when he thought Bella jumped off a cliff and he decided to end his life as well. It would only be natural that now that Bella was gone, he would go back to the Volturi and beg for them to end him. No one from his family would do it.

But what about the wolves? Maybe they could help Edward? But if he went on their land that would mean war. He would drag his whole family into it as well. No, that wouldn't be an option. He would need someone to end only him, but who would that be?

Well Jacob Black himself of course. He had also killed his love. Jacob must be overly glad about killing Edward then. Or maybe he would just be miserable and maybe ask to end his life as well. But Edward didn't want that to happen. He had to be the only one to be killed. He was the reason Bella had died.

Edward decided to still count on Jacob's want of vengeance. Jacob wasn't as moody as he was. He might sink into depression for a while. Grieve for Bella, but he would have to get over it. It wasn't like he was imprinted on Bella. Also it could be possible that Jacob would find an imprint later on and that would of course get him over Bella.

Edward would never get over Bella though. She was his mate. A bond almost as strong as between the imprint and imprinted with the wolves.

Esme had watched Edward's face turn paler and fearful. But then change abruptly turn into an expression of contentment. "What are you thinking about?" Esme asked, a little scared but hopeful. She hoped that Edward had understood what she meant. Going through the train of thought on Edward's part had only taken a few seconds. But it was a lot to handle.

Edward shook his head, not wanting to speak about it. He knew that if he was going to tell anyone about the suicidal thoughts of his, he would be seriously _grounded._

He wouldn't be able to do anything before Jasper could confirm the other of regaining his sanity he had lost today. And it would take a _long_ time before Jasper could even be near Edward.

He thought of a plan.

Edward would call Jacob. Tomorrow. He would ask to meet him outside of the lands of either one of them. On the neutral area. To get out of the house, he would tell the other of going out to hunt so his eye color would change. So if any human would see him, they wouldn't think he was a freak. If someone would offer to come with him, he would ask to be alone for a while. First Edward would have _decide _to really go hunting, because of Alice. But then when he would far enough he could go meet Jacob. Alice wouldn't see Edward's future after deciding to go to meet Jacob, but maybe she would think that he turned catatonic again and just stopped making decisions. And if Jacob wouldn't kill him, then he would go to the Volturi and get them to end him.

That would do.

Should he write a letter for his family? Probably. He wanted them to know that he loved them, but also understand that he had to do this even though he didn't want to leave them. God, he hoped his family would understand and wouldn't be sad too long about it. First losing Bella, then their son and brother... But he couldn't do this.

Tomorrow he would finally find peace.


	4. Chapter 4

Dawn was breaking through the windows and light up the room where I was stuck with Esme. It was a horrible way to put it, but that was how I felt it to be. I needed to get going. I could not stand my suffocating and agonizing thoughts much longer. There was so many of them, even when they were all mine, that it became almost white background noise. I was used to that already from just going out in the open, having more than just five people around me at the house.

Though this was different to that. Because it was all my thoughts, and well plus the other thoughts from my family, I could not concentrate at all. I was beginning to forget what I was about to do the second that I'm about to start doing it. Esme could feel my discomfort and began running her fingers through my hair soothingly. That used to help me with any stress I was under, but now it only increased. I needed to get to _out_ now!_  
_

"Esme..." I whispered, sounding still upset how much I tried to hide it. "I-I I think I'll go hunting..." I told her insecurely. I tried my best at keeping my thoughts in order to manage to get the plan starting. I had already decided to go hunt, nothing else yet. For Alice's sake.

"Are you sure about that, honey?" Esme asked carefully with the tone of her voice. It almost sounded piping. "Um, yes... I just, I just want my eyes to change", I explained in snatches, not being able to form a sentence without making it sound like I couldn't speak smoothly.

"Would you like me to join you or somebody else?" she inquired. "I-I would quite like to go by myself if that's okay", I answered softly, hoping she would accept it.

"I'll, I think I'll... I'll be back in a bit, okay honey. Just a moment", she said nervously and pecked me on the forehead before walking downstairs, trying to look casual and calm, but really she was a nervous mess underneath the facade she put on herself. And it was starting to crack.

Obviously she was going to ask Alice if I was just going to hunt or did I have some other plans in my mind. And trusting in Alice's capability of seeing the future, Esme came back and told me I could go, but not be gone for longer than three hours. I think that was plenty of time to do what I needed. The others believed that why I wanted to go alone to hunt, was mainly because I needed some time alone to adjust to the forever of loneliness without having a mate by my side. They didn't really believe that I would never have a mate again in my death sentence that was my eternal life, but that was how I saw it.

And what if I did meet someone someday somewhere and I happened to fall in love and they would love me too? It meant that the only way was to either leave them or kill myself. I had already proved myself and others of my capability of being a mate and I think I did the worst job at it. I had killed the one I love and cherish the most, who had put some warmth in me; humanity, who trusted me and was loyal to me. She was _perfect. _She loved_ me._ And I ruined it.

I was a monster who had no feelings whatsoever, when I had just murdered something so beautiful, unique and perfect for my own selfish ways. To satisfy something so meaningless as a vampire's thirst. I was beyond awful. It wasn't the murderers, rapists and other terribly behaving people around the world that needed the justice from me , I gave during my newborn years, that I didn't even have the right to give. It was _me._ It was always me. How stupid have I been to not see it before that the only way of keeping some humanity in me was to end this eternal life and it's disgusting ways for good. This life isn't for me. I'm not doing any good for others with this forever.

Bella was right. She actually deserved this. She could have given people care and love and all the good things in the world. She could have been the angel amongst demons and fight them all off with her kindness.

And I killed her.

I jumped down onto the ground from my room's glassdoor and instantly began running to the forest. I hope I hadn't though anything too powerfully that I had revealed some decisions to Alice.

I'm realizing that what I'm about to do will torture my family. I feel horrible for doing this, I love them all so much, and I can never thank and show my appreciation enough for their care, but I know, in the long run they will see that this was the only good deed I had done in this life and I did it for their sake for as well as others.

I don't know how I'll be doomed after I die again, but I reckon I'll not see Bella. She has flown already to Heaven and that's not a place I shall receive. It will ultimately be Hell which I am frightful of to be honest. If I said otherwise I would be lying. But I need to do this. And Jacob shall help me.

I'm rather far away from the house even though I've been running for just a half an hour. That is unfortunately from the human blood I consumpted before. I keep on going for thirty miles more until I stop to a little square in the middle of the forest, the morning sun only piercing to the grassy, and in some places loamy ground through the long and steady, dark branches high up that surround the tiny 'plaza'.

I'm not close to the reservation, but not too far away for Jacob to get exhausted from getting here. When I'll finally decide and reveal my fate to Alice and eventually to the others, it'll take them a lot of time to get here. And that is if Alice is even looking out for my future which I think she is.

I take the phone out of the pocket of my jeans that are ripped from some places. I think this is the style that the industry perceive as attractive these days, and rip the jeans deliberately and sell them with high prices at the market, but truly the case of my jeans is just that I've worn these for so long, the fabric have ripped, from the knees especially. I feel silly in them, but Alice insisted me on wearing them for school too.

But why the hell am I even thinking about my jeans? I think I have some more important tasks to do than that. I guess I just miss family already so much, I can't get off of my mind. I don't want to hurt them like I'm hurting myself. I want them to know I love them and that they will certainly understand why I did this.

The phone is ringing. While it's still doing so, I carve a short goodbye into the bark of a nearby tree, sure that they will notice it. I couldn't write one at home, someone could have seen it or me doing it. It would have set suspicions. Anyway I wouldn't have that time to do it.

_"I'm sorry for doing this, but I did it for you as for others. I don't want to hurt anybody anymore. I love you all so very much and it pains me to do this. But it is for the best. I miss you all dearly, but you must forget me. Please, for your own sake. Edward"_

My call was answered. It's Jacob. "Hey, it's Jake. Sorry for the wait, I was outside and didn't hear it immediately", he babbled into the phone and I note that he's out of breath too. He didn't realize it could be me. Well how could he? I'd never called him before. It's probably just his friends and family who call him usually.

"It's Edward. Please... don't hang up", I uttered out and surprised myself by how calm and collected I sounded. But I did sound desperate already.

"What do you want, leech?" he snarled.

"I'm giving you an opportunity", I told him.

"What is it?" He sounded curious, but still angered.

"To kill me", I stated simply, but my knees started to weaken.

"Why? Why would you... What did you do?!"

"Ah... I-I, I killed her", my voice eventually wavered and turned into broken pieces again. It hurt to say it. Even more if I said her name. I shut my eyes tightly.

There was silence on the other end for a long time. But then he said: "Where are you?"

His voice terrified me. It was so calm, though had an undertone of sharpness from rage and sadness. But most of all I heard determination. And I knew I was dead.


	5. Chapter 5

Waiting for Jacob to come was excruciating. I was timid for the obvious reasons and because I was afraid that my family will get to me before Jacob will. They must know about my plans by now. Where was Jacob? What was taking so long for him to come? Is something wrong? Can't he come? Maybe someone from the tribe has stopped him from coming here. Fearing he might get hurt, that this is a scam. It really could be and it probably seems like one. But it's not.  
And Jacob knows that. If Bella was still alive, I would never kill him or maybe even if Bella didn't exist I still wouldn't hurt him, but for that reason I wouldn't harm him either because then I would hurt Bella too.

I'm telling him the truth, he knows that surely, and that just might put him over the edge even more so than ever. Because he knows there is not even a hint of a possibility that Bella might still be alive. He would rather die than have Bella be dead. I would too. But thinking about that I am the one who killed her, then maybe I cannot be sacrificial and selfless about anything. I had made a promise to her anyway. I promised wouldn't harm her. She believed me, because she loved me so much.

I have broken that promise.

Horribly so.

I'm becoming desperate by each second, but then finally, I can hear rustling from the woods, other sounds that weren't there before.

He's coming. _Fast._

I can hear his erratic thoughts that flow through his head. It's actually painful to hear them, because the way the wolf in him changes his ideas and views of the life around him just makes it all a whole lot more disorganized. What I can catch from there, is that, instead being distraught the most, he is determined and resoluted. In killing me.

He will kill me. He _will _end me to be sure.

But before that, he wants to despise me by talking to me, showing himself as a human being to make it all very clear to me; that it is Jacob Black who is going to end the pathetic and monstrous life of Edward Cullen. That it is Jacob Black who will save others from ever meeting Edward Cullen again.

Only downside to his gracious intentions is that he is going to fill my wishes at the same time. He is going to do what I want him to do.

He sifts into his human form behind the trees a couple yards back and puts on his dusty jeans that are knee high cut-offs, which I know of when I see him. When he's done, he moves swiftly through the last yard and comes inside the plaza. He looks rugged. That is also expected. He's also disgusted. I understand that very well. He doesn't look at me in the eyes and instead keeps his eyes trained to my chest. He's too disgusted by me to look me in the eye. Not yet anyway. I don't have to read his thoughts to know that. It all reads on his face. His lips are twitching and show off his teeth. His stance is strong and looks at me and I am a vile comparison to him.

"You killed Bella", he snarls horrendously, pure hatred in his voice. The words strike me more than the way he said it, as awful as it was. I can't deal with that fact. I can't think about it easily. Even if I keep repeating it in my head, I do it to torture myself more than I am already tortured. I have to remind myself what a horrible being I am and that I should feel this pain, before death shall consume be entirely.

I know I won't see Bella again. She will be in Heaven. I shall go to Hell, or perhaps if there's even another place, worse than that, then I will go there. That is just what I deserve. Even if I don't want it to happen, because I'm such a selfish person, I know that it is the truth. I have to do some justice to Bella's death. God shall decide of what will be, but I think I'll be on his side as well, when he will put me to Devil's care.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. She pushed me over the edge, but it's all my fault still. I am sorry. I loved her. And I know you loved her too. I didn't want this to happen... I'm just..." my voice breaks before I can finish.

Jacob is growling at me very loudly. In one second he has walked across the small clearing and took a hold of the collar of my t-shirt and jacket, and pulls me upwards, so that I'm off from the ground. I realize he looks bigger than before. He's massive, full of muscle underneath that russet skin. He has become the Alpha. The True Alpha he is. Taken his rightful place in the tribe. That's probably why he got here without anyone stopping him and everyone believed him.

"You deserve to go to Hell! No leech is worse than you! Nobody is! You killed your love! You killed MY love!" he yells so loudly that my ears hurt. It's still mostly just from the words. He is so right. And the truth is agonizing.

"I know that. I'm sorry", I cry out, not being able to hold it in. "Just kill me already! Please!"

"I'm going to kill you. You shouldn't exist and no longer you will. You are pure-" he stops in the middle of his sentence. I already heard the end from his thoughts: _evil._

But then, suddenly I can't hear anything from his mind. His movements have completely stopped to a halt as well. He has risen his eyes to meet mine and when I stare back into his deep set eyes, I am surprised when I don't see hatred, disgust, determination anymore. For a few moments I don't hear or see anything from him.

Only when his hold of me is lost and I thump the ground softly. I'm suddenly scared. In a different way than before. Now I just don't understand what is with him. What is wrong with him? Why is he so still? I take a couple of steps backwards until I can feel the trunk of a tree behind my back.

Jacob's eyes land on me, they are strictly looking at me, his face expressionless, his jaw set tight, hands balled in fists. But when the exterior loosens, his whole demeanor changes. I can read his mind again.

I gasp. My intake of breath so sharp that it almost hurts my throat. But all I can think of is what has happened. How abnormal and strange and very, _very _inconvenient has happened.

The wolf has imprinted on me.


	6. Chapter 6

_Exquisite. _

He is _exquisite. _Everything about him is unique, enticing, drawing me in and makes me want to ravish him. Hold him. Take him. Protect him. Save him. Save him from himself. Make him happy again. With me.

Edward backed away until his back met the tall three behind him. He looked slightly disappointed at first for a second, but afterwards more he looked to be scared and horrified. His perfect eyebrows creased at the middle in confusion. I must protect him from whatever it is that makes him so afraid. I don't want him to feel this way.

He looks very young like this. Not even seventeen now with this expression on his pale face. But then it's faded again, a determined look taking place on his gorgeous face.

"Volturi it is", I hear him say very, very quietly including a exhausted sigh. Said so quietly, I don't think I was meant to hear it. But I did. And I understood what it meant.

_No._

I crossed the little land that was between us in a quick motion and offered my hand to Edward. "Don't go", I said to him in a serious tone. Demanding tone.

The fear was set back in his eyes and he looked around him before looking behind me. Clearly setting his mind onto leaving to that direction. He would try to get past me, but he didn't know that by me imprinting on him, I was now as fast as he was. Hopefully he didn't catch that from my mind, though it wouldn't make much difference as for that fact it was.

Deciding to leave now, he took off to run past me as I expected him to, not knowing better. Once he was closer to me, I snatched my hand around his arm and stopped him mid-run and quickly pinned him to the ground beneath our feet.

He gasped in surprise and writhed under me, trying to get up. I loosened my hold of him a bit, I was too afraid to hurt my imprint by being so strong, but he took advantage in that and escaped from my grasp.

"You can't stop me", he said whilst speeding off deeper into the woods. "I won't allow you to harm yourself, Edward", I yelled to him sternly. My voice didn't waver one bit, because I was confident and I knew I would stop him before he could even get a mile behind him."You won't kill yourself, Edward. That would be a big mistake if you did that. Good thing I'm here to save you from committing that."

I was hot on his heels, only a few seconds after getting away from me, I jumped on him making him fall to the ground with me on his back. I gently, but quickly turned him around to face me, although he was still trying to fight me with everything he got. I took a hold of his both wrists and placed them on either side of his head and with my legs I pressed his own to the ground by the ankles.

"Leave me alone, Jacob! Let me go!" he screamed and struggled against my steel grip on him, but he had _nothing_ on me.

Unlike Edward, I was stable and mentally balanced so it was my responsibility as his mate to look after him and make sure he didn't do anything _stupid_ and irresponsible. He didn't know what was good for him. He didn't know what was right. But I did. I was in charge and it was about time. Bella hadn't done a enough good job with him and she ended up being killed by her own greed and flimsy control over her own wills and needs, when it was Edward whose needs you had to put at first. She forgot about that.

I'll never forget. I shall never forget that Edward is everything.

"I can't. Edward stop it. Don't fight me. You are _not _leaving", I told him while looking deeply into his eyes to entrust me and to make it clear I wasn't just saying that. It was as it was.

Edward's eyes were black and filled with hatred and fear and disturb. "Don't be upset. I'm only helping you. You will see."

He wasn't fighting me that much anymore after a few minutes. I barely felt any strain now. But I realized after leaving my eyes from his, that it wasn't that he wasn't trying to get me off of him anymore. He just couldn't. He was losing his strength. In a very _visible_ way. Edward's eyes grew bigger from the revelation in my mind. As he saw himself through my eyes.

"It's okay, Edward. It's gonna be okay. Don't worry. I'm sure it's nothing", I hurried to say, but a bit shaken by this myself.

"No! Get off of me Jacob! It's you! It's _you_!" he shouted from the top of his lungs and the slight strain I felt against my body intensified, but only little. It's still had nothing on me. I wasn't even getting tired from his silent struggles.

But I didn't understand what he was trying to say. _It's me? _What was that supposed to mean?

"You're taking everything from me! Stop touching me!"

Oh... It's me who's doing this to him. I looked at myself, well my bicep. It was bigger than before. I was taking Edward's strength from him and leaving him cold to the bone.

But that was good, wasn't it? Now he couldn't fight me at all and it would be easier to control his wandering and self-destructing thoughts, he wouldn't be able to commit to them. It would be dead simple to just take a hold of me if he decided to go and follow the madman's orders inside him.

I leaned over him better and lowered myself carefully so that my body was touching his completely. I didn't want to suffocate him even though that's impossible, I couldn't kill him in any way. But I know that the feeling of suffocation is not very nice. So I was careful not to put my whole weight on him that was increasing nicely at the muscles.

"No, no, no, ah, no, don't..." he kept on going the whatever struggle he got in him, but it quieted down only into his whimpers as I stayed there on him, very close to him. I needed to raise slightly as the muscles in my chest were getting bigger, still not wanting to crush him.

I was quick to suck him dry. Edward was the tiniest of the Cullen men anyway. I mean like Rosalie was about the same size as him if you looked at it like that. But him being a vampire and all, he just got some extra, inhuman strength jammed into his lean form. But when that turned into my strength at the swap we were making here, it turned into muscle in me. I was definitely not complaining. I would thank him if he wasn't so annoyed already. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by being complacent, when indeed I had taken it all from him.

But I couldn't wipe the smug smile that formed on my lips, when I got up from him. I had to admire my new, bigger and better form even if just for a little while. I nodded with a satisfied look at myself. Muscle looked good under my russet skin. Everything was in it's right place looking defined and polished.

I looked down at Edward. It was kind of sad, but more than that it was victory. He didn't dare to move and lay still. He better not. He knew better than that. After showing him very closely who got the upper hand here, he knew was in charge again.

Carlisle, Bella and forever it would be Jacob. Or that's how it should be. I won't let him get out of my sight.

Edward had his eyes shut tightly and his jaw was set tense so that his lips were only a white crease on his face. I squatted down next to his head and ruffled his beautiful copper locks with my hand. He flinched at my touch and that hurt me. He opened his eyes and squinted at me. He tried to get up, just to sit upwards, but failed miserably. A small, high pitch noise came from inside him as his back thudded back to the ground.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly and helped him into the sitting position. He had his eyes shut again and his hand moved to touch his chest. It must have hurt really bad then. I went behind his back, so that he could rest his back against me and he wouldn't collapse again and hurt himself.

I revealed into the soft sight that came from his lips, when his back met my _bulging_ chest. "That's it, Edward. Relax. I'm going to take care of you from now on. It's gonna be alright", I whispered to him and gently rubbed circles on his chest and with my other hand I kept stroking his mess of a head.

A quiet sound came from him. First I thought that maybe he was enjoying himself, but then I defined it as hissing.

"Don't you dare, Jacob Black. No one's going to decide anything for me. You let go of me now and no one's going the get hurt", I heard him hiss as in threat. What did he think he was trying to do? We both know that he can't do anything, especially trying to threaten anyone with fist held up. Damn, he was even weaker than a human, that's what the case seems to be right now.

"My family is looking for me. They are coming here", he whispered then with an evil undertone. Then I better make it look like Edward's with me on this. It can't look like I'm the bad guy here, because I'm not. But it kind of looks like it still.

I stand up and pull Edward with me at the same time. He can't stand on his own so I lift him up, slightly up from the ground and hold him tightly against my chest, so that his face is pressed to it. I'm ready to confront them. If they don't have any problem with me and nothing happens, then I can just take him home. But if they do got a problem with it or _Edward, you hearing this? _If you're going to do something, then shit's gonna go down.


	7. Chapter 7

I didn't like this. Not one bit. Trapped in his arms like this, not being able to get away, however the way it looked to the others was assistance. And being like _this, _it would make sense. Jacob had pressed my face against his burning hot skin of his huge chest so that I wasn't even able to breath. Not that I needed to breath, he knew that, but I couldn't make any sound either.

But what he thought, startled me. He was threatening me in his head. And what it seemed like he was very serious. I didn't find any doubt in his mind, but I couldn't see what was his plan either, he had blocked me out.

I understood the threat anyway and the way he _said _it to me confirmed I was not going to make a move of showing a sign of being controlled and being in trouble. I know I shouldn't probably believe what he was saying, but I couldn't take the risk.

I bet he can't take everyone down when they come here all by himself, but what if being an alpha he has some secret communicating ability to his pack, so he can call them out here if he decides to make things go _down. _

We were on _nobody's _land. So we weren't breaking any rules when a shape shifter and vampires would around. And that's when my family came in rescue. Or maybe not...

Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were the first ones to come and take me away from him. But only in their thoughts. They saw what they saw, Jacob embarrassing me in his arms while my face is hid in his chest. Jacob doesn't look violent or _evil _at all. He looks like he's in _love. _And I look like a lifeless ragdoll.

I saw my family through Jacob's eyes. They all looked very, very confused and bewildered, although worried and angered. They weren't sure if they were supposed to attack my claimer or let him be.

_Put your arms around me_

Jacob told me suddenly. I had to do what he told, I saw it too, how my family needed verifying that I was alright there or that I needed help. And of course what Jacob wanted was the first one of the two of them. I complied in fear of the safety of my family. They were so close, the wolves could come here at anytime Jacob wanted. He told me few moments ago, in his mind of course, that he could talk to his pack also in his human form and the pack could hear it while being human too. That wasn't good at all.

"What is happening here? Why are you holding my son?" Esme enquired sharply but quite confused still. She didn't like it either what she was seeing.

"I have imprinted on your _son_", Jacob said back, spitting the last word quite bitterly. He thought I shouldn't be called anyone's son, because _he_ was my guardian now. I didn't agree with him. He was my no one.

Obvious gasps escaped from some of my family.

"He has answered to my imprinting positively", he continued, lying selfishly.

"Positively for us or for you?" Rosalie snarled viciously. Alice was very confused and a little bit scared, because she couldn't see the future now. That was because Jacob was a shape shifter and she couldn't see their future after-all they were always changing. Her brows were knitted together tightly as she looked at us both oddly and fiddled with the fabric of her shirt nervously.

"For me", Jacob said smiling devilishly.

"I want _him _to say it. Let us see Edward", Carlisle stepped in.

_Go on. Say you love me._

No! I couldn't say I loved him! I loved Bella, I would betray her if I said the same to somebody else. I would lie of course if I said it, but still, I could not do that. But I couldn't risk the lives of my family.

Jacob eased his hold of me a little so that I could turn my head to meet the six concerned and timid gazed of my loved ones'.

"It's true what he said", I simply stated feeling uneasiness settle deeply inside my stomach. I felt physically sick from saying that. And knowing, _hearing _my family buy it and at the same time getting disappointed by it... It hurt. And I knew that there wasn't some easy trick to get out of this mess.

The more I think about where things have come in to, during just mere minutes, the more I hate myself.

If I would have been able to resist, Bella would still be alive or at least changed. If I would have gone straight to the Volturi, I would be dead already. If I would have been stronger I could have fought Jacob off. If I wouldn't be such a coward, my family wouldn't be so disappointed in me now.

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" Esme asked softly while looking at me gently and concerned with her beautiful, golden eyes. I nodded my head a little and turned my gaze to the ground ashamed. My throat was tight with the lies that had come out. I had to remember that I was trying protect my family here and that was enough of a good reason to do this to them.

"Why does he look like that?" Alice asked in a high voice abruptly through the tense silence that had laid upon us.

I felt Jacob's and everyone else's eyes on me now and I couldn't describe that attention to me as other than uncomfortable. I plead them to look away as they just looked at me more tensely.

"It happens, when a wolf imprints on a vampire", Jacob said in a casual way and started to caress my arm with his hand. Maybe in order to try to suck up more of me into him.

"Oh."

"Jacob, you don't expect us to leave him with you just like this, do you? We're taking him back home. I'm sure you have heard about Bella..."

I winced at her name. Jacob didn't care about that, just nodded to Carlisle's question.

"I believe you two met, because of it?" He nodded again. Now they got a confirmation to their suspicions of me leaving to run after death. And to leave them without me. I had failed and now I was going to get requital. I wonder if they will read the message I had left for them after this. I don't know if I want them to.

"Well, then Edward is definitely going back home. To us. If you two want to see each other, then fine. But I think you will have to do it on the lands neither one of you or us, own. Alright? Give him to me, please", Carlisle said, as if I wasn't there at all. Why it was okay that everyone was now speaking for me? I got to make no decisions even though they all had to do with me.

"No, the treaty is to be changed. I'm the alpha now days, so I can decide on this with you. I offer you this as a solution. Me and Edward can go on either land without anyone stopping or attacking us. The rest is as it was before. Is that cool with you?"

Carlisle frowned at Jacob with arms crossed over his chest. He looked to be deep in thought.

"Fine. But he's coming with us now. You can come too if you want, but I suggest that you tell others of your pack about it now", Carlisle agreed.

"I have already", Jacob said and tapped the side of his forehead with his finger. My ever-noticing sister Alice saw that Jacob had changed too. His muscles were almost bulging with the strength they hold in them. He was nearly as strong as vampire these days. And she knew that wasn't just because he was an Alpha now. I had been abated and his strenght been amplified now that Jacob had imprinted on me, and Alice wanted to know what caused this. Jacob's answer had been a bit too frugal. Probably Carlisle wanted to know too, but he was too engrossed with the treaty decisions to hold much thought to that.

"Everything's fine as long as you don't do anything stupid", Jacob said and took a better hold of me by placing his hands under my arms and going around my torso. I could hear Jacob was reveling in his mind for sounding so superior to the others.

"Of course we wouldn't. We will only take action if the situation calls for it. I hope you'll do the same?" Carlisle was the real chief here unlike this arrogant bastard next to be as much as he wanted to be.

"Shall we? I think we have a lot to discuss about with Edward as a family. Things have lately taken a step backwards and I would like to turn that around."

My family moved to the direction of our house, ready to leave and so Jacob let go of me a little to change into his wolf form. "You can get on my back. I doubt you're strong enough to run yet", Jacob said suddenly sounding a lot more caring and gentle. Then after stripping, he changed into a huge, sandy brown coloured wolf and lowered himself on to the ground so I could get on him. I did it hesitantly, not wanting to actually do it, but I had to keep the act on and besides, my legs felt very wobbly still and I honestly don't think I could even walk on my own.

Jacob didn't go too fast as I couldn't really get a strong enough grip on his fur to stay where I was. My family got to the house first, but Jasper was kind of jogging beside us, making sure everything was alright.

After reaching our destination, Jacob changed and put on his cut-offs again and we got into to the house, to the lounge. My whole family was standing and I was the only one going to be sitting then as Jacob wouldn't sit either. It felt like I was the subject they were arguing about now, but actually that was the point of this discussion.

"I'm very thankful Jacob, that you saved our son from committing a decision that would've hurt us all very deeply. It was very irresponsible of Edward, but we do understand it concerning the situation he's in. He's still in an unstable condition. Thanks to you imprinting on him, you did save him. But I can't help but wonder how is this possible. Has this ever happened before in your history? That a shape shifter has imprinted on a vampire? Or even on a male person?" Carlisle questioned.

"Well... Not very often. Rarely to be exact. Couple hundred years ago was the last time when a werewolf imprinted on a vampire", Jacob said and rubbed his head and squinted his deep-set eyes, trying to remember the all knowledge what his ancestors have given him through becoming an Alpha. I was reading his mind, but the images and information were going too fast for me to understand.

"And for a male shifter to imprint to another male, it's only been a few decades since that has happened", Jacob answered opening his eyes and stuffed his big hands into the pockets of his jeans or whatever they were. They were so dirty and worn out. But the fabric must be really rugged then. Though he might want to buy a new pair of pants, because his thighs seemed bigger as the rest of him, so that the pants looked a little too tight. Whereas mine were falling off.

It seemed as he was feeling more confident, but he wasn't acting as arrogant as he had been before. I guess he was feeling more comfortable now that we were out of the forest and he had come to some kind of conclusion with my family. Which I wasn't happy about. They were all now thinking that I was the insane one. My family was buying Jacob's lies and why wouldn't they, when I was playing along with him.

"But doesn't imprinting work as it does, in favour for the shifter to find the perfect mating pair? To carry the wolf genes", Esme asked as confused as the others were now that they realized the same thing. I began wonder it myself as well, but from the start I had known that Jacob was wrong about me. I loved Bella, Jacob was crazy and I didn't have uterus.

"And Edward is my perfect pair. Believe me when I say this. You will see", Jacob said and actually sounded suddenly very threatening and assuring about that something was about to happen. To me.

Oh God... What was going to happen to me?


	8. Chapter 8

When I got rid of Jacob for a moment, only for the excuse of having to wash up from getting thrown on the muddy ground, I was pushed into the bathroom by Alice's help. I sensed we needed to talk, but with Jacob's supernaturally excellent hearing, we couldn't talk out loud so that's when our gifts came in handy. Alice would know what I would say before I would say it, and then I wouldn't have to say it at all and I could just hear her thoughts.

But as I said to Jacob that I would take a shower, I would actually have to take it or he would know that I lied and who knew what he would do then. This all was giving me terrible anxiety. But I hoped it would help to "talk" to Alice and share this all with her, even though she could not do anything about it.

I had to strip in front of Alice, but thankfully she couldn't care at all for my manhood except for how scrawny I had become. She worried about how that affected me but I shook my head at her to calm her down. It wasn't affecting that much except for the fact that I was now less strong and fast. Much less...

_Do you actually love him?_

_No. It's just him who's in love. But he won't let go of me, because he doesn't believe me, when I tell him I don't want to be with him. He thinks it's just because of... B-Bella. _

_Then let us do something about it. We could just kick him out or even kill him and move out of here. _

_No! We can't do that. He threatened me of starting a war against us if I would say anything to anybody. They would kill us. He's the Alpha and he can decide what the pack will do. They would kill you! I can't let that happen..._

I looked sternly at Alice so she understood how much I meant that. I had to go and use the shower now and I closed the glass door behind me and started to wash up. The steam of the hot water hided me from Alice's worried eyes and I heard her trying to think of some way to get me out of this tricky situation.

_There's nothing we can do, Alice. I'm sorry._

_Why are you sorry? You're the one who's going to be trapped. We need to tell the others. While you're here with Jacob and someone from our family, making sure you're safe, while I'll tell the others somewhere else where he or the wolves can't hear us. We'll figure it out. We can't take down these stupid muts, Edward. You don't deserve what's going to happen if no one intervenes._

_But maybe I do... After all that has happened... What I have done... Maybe this should happen to me. Imprinting is natural and meant to be, right? That's what they tell us what it is. Then this is what is supposed to happen. This is my punishment and a way to keep the wolves happy and continue their tribe or whatever is going to happen. _

I stopped rubbing my scalp with the soapy mess and just let the water cascade over me and rinse it out. I closed my eyes and rested my jaw against my chest. Yes, this is after-all, just a natural thing. Something bigger than us deciding what's best for us or what should be done. Finally I'm getting my punishment for all the awful things I've done in my too long existence.

_Oh, Edward. You're just being a drama queen and a freakishly moody and masochistic vampire. You really need to quit that. It's not good for you. Please, you need to let me help you. _

I could imagine Alice's whining sounds as the background echo. I stepped out of the shower and began drying myself off while Alice laid out the outfit of the day on the toilet seat.

_You probably should go now. I can hear Jacob's intentions of coming in here. But thanks for letting me share this with you. You must promise me though, that you will not tell anyone else about this and if you do, you will just get the whole family in trouble. You can't do anything about this. It's what's meant to happen, right? I just need to go with it. Who knows what might happen if I succumb to his will. It might not even be that bad eventually. _

I was lying. But it was just for Alice's sake. However she could see right through me anyway so it didn't help either one of us. Unless I would fall under my own lies, then maybe I could start believing them too and forget that I even had my own mind and will. Because we both had an eternity ahead of us if nothing "bad" happened. We would just have to wait and see. If I wanted to survive this, then I would have to surrender and be in "not even trying to survive" mode.

I clothed myself and Alice left with sad, golden eyes. I saw her walking to her own room quietly and quickly like a ghost, through her mind, so that Jacob would see that me and her talked.

Then he came in just as I put on the last layer of a white jumper. Everything was too big and my jeans were about to fall off, so I had to use a belt where I punched more holes into with a scissors' blade.

"Looks like we'll have to go shopping in the near future", Jacob commented with a smirk. An evil smirk it looked like to me. I felt insecure under his intense gaze that went up and down my body, but tried to hide into myself.

"I don't think they have clothes so small. Alice will probably make some for me herself. She's into fashion, you know." I don't know why I was rambling on like this. I bet he wanted me to just shut up and if I wouldn't he would hurt me someway. So maybe I should just do that before he has to.

"Okay... Well, why don't you show me to your room. Have some privacy", he suggested or more like demanded from the tone in his deep voice.

I nodded and with my eyes casted downwards I walked past him and led him to my room. He had his hand on the small of my back, making the slow but short walk feel patronizing and tense to me.

I opened the door to my room and let him go inside first and then I shut it behind me. He looked around, actually looking pretty amazed and then sat down on the edge of the golden coloured bed. _Bella's bed._

He motioned me to sit next to him by patting on the mattress, and I obeyed.

"You seem to have quite a collection of CDs here. Books too. I guess it's easier to choose this many favorites from the millions of songs in the world, when you have lived so long. Taking all the time to decide on what to buy, huh. What's your favorite type of music?"

I could not believe that he was talking with me like this. Like we could have an actual conversation on other subjects than the horrible situation he has put me in and him threatening to kill my family.

"Uh, um... Classical?" Oh no, it came out like as an question. I'm already in deep. Asking permission to have an opinion about something. Jacob's deep set, brown eyes turned to look at me. His expression almost looked as if he was apologizing to me about making me like this. He should be. But I didn't know he was able to have sympathy towards me.

"I like blues and rock myself. What about literature?" he asked. An impossible question that is. I'd have to think about that longer if he wanted the honest truth, but I doubt he cared that much really.

"I like drama and thoughtful stories", I answered. A real answer this time.

Warmth was radiating from him like he was a real radiator. My hair was drying out quicker than ever. I could already feel it starting to stick out in every possible direction as it always did when it was dry. I would never admit it to anyone else, but it kind of felt nice. I was feeling warmer than I had ever in a long, long time. I always felt so cold, like I was in an ice bath for most of the time. Though that was also for the reason I haven't_ connected _with anyone before. It's a vampire thing. It's kind of a pressuring thing to get mated with someone or you will forever feel extremely cold.

Jacob was definitely hot.

In temperature.

"I can imagine that. I like comedic stories, but I can also relate to dramatic events as well. I lost my mother, when I was young. She died in a car crash", he suddenly told me while still looking at a stack of books I had in one corner of the room.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that", I mumbled awkwardly, not really understanding why he was telling me these things.

"It's fine. I never really got to know her, but it's enough for me to love her to know she carried me and loved me to the end."

I'm really not sure if he was telling me the truth now, because why would he? He might be just saying these things to make me think like he was a good guy even if he would do me horrible things. Maybe he's trying to put me under the Stockholm Syndrome. Should I then surrender myself to that? Then it might be easier for us all.

"Tell me about your family before your change", he said afterwards a silent moment which during I had become much more suspicious about his intentions.

"Um... My father's name was Edward too and my mother's Elizabeth. They were both very happy and kind people. And, uh..." I realized to my horror that, that was all I could really remember of them. I honestly couldn't remember anything else. Not how they looked like or where they worked... Nothing.

It almost got me crying from terror, because I know I love my parents so much and I missed them deeply. And that I had _forgotten _about them! I'm such a terrible creature... How could I forget about my own parents?!

I noticed I had started shaking as sobs were attacking my throat as I tried to keep them down, and so had Jacob's arm sneaked around my form and pressed me against his chest. My own hands were pressed against my mouth in a form of muting my cries when they wouldn't stay down.

"I'm sorry", I apologized when I could get enough air to talk, but Jacob just shushed me and rubbed circles in my back comfortingly. "It's fine. I'm sorry I asked."

I couldn't believe that this is the same Jacob I talked to before this morning. His demeanour had changed completely or would that just be, because my family can hear us from here? Of course, it has to be that. He's just acting to prove the others that he's a caring mate and in love with me.

My hopes had risen too quickly and now they came crashing down and my cries turned into even more desperate and terrified ones.


	9. Chapter 9

Jacob was behind me, spooning me. He was snoring lightly. He had his hot, muscular arm draped over my waist, hugging me closer to him, making it impossible for me to escape from his embrace. His warm breathing tickled the skin on the back of my neck. It was a vulnerable position he had put me in. Not that I could ever fight him anyways. But this felt terrible for me. Knowing that he could do anything he wanted with me and I wouldn't be able to stop him.

I might be able to scream for help, but that would lead my family to doom.

I need to accept this. Become numb. Forever.

I don't want to, but if I want to survive this transition in anyway, then that is what I will have to do. The sooner the better. I've realised this before, now I just have to succeed in doing what is best in this situation. It would be easier for everyone. Especially for my family.

_Why the Hell did I have to ask Jacob to kill me?!_

Now Edward, just forget. Forget everything and just accept what has happened, and somehow make yourself to enjoy it. Enjoy whatever he does or makes you do. Everything is as it needs to be right now. Yes, everything is perfect. This feels good. The hotness radiating from Jacob, my mate, feels good. It's warming me to my bone. His strong arms are loving and protective around me.

I close my eyes tightly and furrow my eyes as I make myself to believe the lies, no the truths, that I'm telling myself. Everything is alright. Things are good.

I feel Jacob's hand tugging at my college pants' hem. He's stroking my hipbone. He's not awake though. I feel something very hard and hot poking at my backside. He's aroused, clearly. His lips are closer to my ear and his breathing is quickening. His fingers touching me with more of demanding tone.

He wants to be satisfied, but I'm not sure I should go ahead and do that for him. I know that much that I'm not the one in charge in this relationship. He is.

Jacob's hand is going lower, his fingers now stroking the inside of my thigh, but the fabric of my pants is between them.

_Thank God..._

No, but this is good. I want to be good for him. I want him to get whatever he wants. I'll let him have it. I will just stay still as he will take it. I won't go as far as asking for it myself still.

I can't read his mind without his permission. Genuinely, I cannot do it. It's like with Bella all over again, oh don't think about her, but Jacob can also reveal his thoughts for me if he wants to. I can't find any weak spots in him. It feels quite frightening.

Oh no! My eyes fly wide open and even my mouth hangs open. His hands have wandered somewhere else I don't want them to touch.

He's definitely not completely unconscious anymore.

His hand has went under my pants and it's palm flat against my bottom. It moves from there to between my thighs. He rubs my inner-thigh, softly and slowly, up and down.

Then something even more terrible happens. His two fingers dipped between my unimpressive cheeks and touch against my channel.

I bite my bottom lip painfully hard to keep in the noise that was about to erupt from me. He keeps his finger there as he leans in, hovers upon my form and gazes down to the left side of my face.

"You like this, don't you?"

It seems like a rhetorical question so I just keep biting my lip and stare at the window of a wall in front of me. Jacob's tone of voice is deep and husky. I know what he wants, but I'm not sure if he wants to do it yet. I think he just wants to test the waters and scare me.

But he couldn't scare me. He would never hurt me. I should know that. He loves me passionately and cares for me. He's my mate.

I drew in a sharp breath, still biting my lip. If it was possible, I would probably be bleeding by now.

His hand moves away, up, then to the small of my back and to my waist. He leans back on the bed, head against the pillow and releases a heavy sigh. Somehow that makes me feel like he would be disappointed in me. Maybe he is.

"I'm going to have breakfast now", he announces in a casual voice after a while and gets up. He walks to the closet and begins dressing himself. Alice has packet the closet with new clothes for Jacob and me.

I stay in bed, very still and quiet. I don't know what to do. What am I expected to do now? I keep staring at the closet blankly.

Jacob has changed and put on a plaid shirt and jeans. He just runs his fingers through his short, black hair like that would be as good as using a comb. He turns around to look at me. He raises his brows at me quizzically.

"Well, aren't you going to get up?" he asks me like there's something terribly wrong with me. I take my hand from under my pillow and the lift my torso up, supporting my weight on my arm. I'm just about to swing my legs from the bed, but Jacob comes right before me then. He puts his hands under my arms and lifts me up. As I'm standing there, his hands fall to my waist. He looking me straight into my eyes. Jacob's eyes are almost black, they are such a dark brown colour. Their gaze also hold such intensity that it's intimidating.

We stare at each other, almost for a minute, just looking at each other in the eyes. No blinking.

Then he throws me some clothes and walks out of the room. I look behind him in wonder. I start dressing afterwards I hear people talking downstairs, someone cooking.

Alice has made them especially for me. They are measured just right and fit me perfectly.

I look at the mirror. I'm tiny.

I let my head fall on my chest and turn around to follow Jacob.

I don't even bother to brush my hair.


	10. Chapter 10

Jacob's eating eggs on toast in the kitchen. Esme's drying a pan by the sink. She's humming quietly a tune I don't know.

I stand in front of the table in silence. He glances up at me and looks at me strangely, but quickly lowers his eyes back to his breakfast.

So I'm not interesting to him? I probably should be. Whats should I do? I'm not sure. I keep standing awkwardly opposite to Jacob and bite my lip again.

After a few minutes Jacob finishes with his meal and gets up, taking his plate and glass. He gave them to a smiling Esme. "Thanks. It was delicious", he said to her and her smile just widened. She started scrubbing the dishes as soon as he turned around to face me again.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we."

He didn't wait for my answer and led our way out through the glass door to the backyard. He held my hand tightly as we went outside in the sunshine.

My skin began shining immediately. Jacob's head turned to look at me in amazement. I looked at his expression carefully observing from it what he was thinking about me. To my surprise, he opened his mind for me.

_You're so beautiful. Your fair skin is made of diamonds. Your eyes made of pools of gold. Your lips are made rose petals. Your hair is made of caramel wreaths. You're so Goddamn beautiful, Edward._

I'm stunned by this and I have to cast my eyes away from his intense eyes. His thoughts still swirl around my "beauty" and I can't bear them, to be honest. I keep walking and he follows me as my hand nudges his as he still has his grip on me. He keeps his mind open for me as he admires me from my backside. I frown and grit my teeth, my jaw tense and my walking speeds up. I want to get away from him right now. I can't stand his thoughts.

I think he picked up my intentions of running away from him, because as I began speeding up even more he grabbed me by just launching at me, throwing his arms around my chest. He held me tightly against his chest and I shut my eyes tighter and put my hands over his wrists, making a weak attempt at pulling them away.

_Listen to me! You're fucking beautiful. Inside and out. You're perfect and it's a time you realize that yourself. No point in torturing yourself thinking that you're some kind of a monster, because you're the total opposite of that!_

His thoughts yelled in my head. My nose scrunched at them in disgust. He seemed to know everything I did even if he couldn't see my face from behind me. I could feel his eyes watching down at me. His grip only tightened with time as if that was meant to reassure me that I was safe.

_I am safe! Jacob protects me. He's right. He's always right. _

"Edward... Why can't you love me? What am I doing wrong here?" Jacob asks suddenly very sincerely.

"I do love you", I tell him through my closed teeth. I probably look like a predator ready to jump on his prey, but I can't help it.

"You would believe me if you loved me. You don't. What has happened to you? What had made you believe all these other horrible things about yourself that are really full of bullshit?"

Why the Hell he cares about what I think about myself? Who would it help if I thought myself as a beautiful creature instead of the darkest and most terrible thing that has ever existed on this planet? Who would ever care about that? Who could care about me?

"I think I can read your thoughts better than you can read mine", Jacob states after a moment of silence on my part.

"You're probably right", I say quietly. I let my face relax into it's blank expression after that. I open my eyes to see him in front of me. When did he move there?

"And I don't like what I'm hearing. You're clearly lost and scared. Is it this situation that's making you like that? I see that you're trying to adapt to it, but it's only making you lose yourself completely. I don't want that. I'm genuinely in love with you and if you're gone, who I'm supposed to love then? Edward, I'll always love you. And I can wait a forever for you to love me too. But if I lose you now, will I ever find you again?" he asks me looking surprisingly worried about me.

He continues: "I can't let you leave me, Edward. You don't have to love me before you're ready. But you can't leave me now."

_He's always right._

And this time I believe what I'm thinking.


	11. Chapter 11

We settle near a small pond in the middle of the forest. Jacob sits us down on the green grass. The sunshine is revealing the pond as a mirror, but sometimes you can see the small fish getting closer to the surface to snack on the insects flying over it.

Jacob steers me to sit between his legs and rest my back against his broad chest. I do that only because I don't want to make a big hassle out of this for my own sake. I don't care enough to start arguing with him anymore, because he'll always win no matter what. He basically said it himself. I can't leave him. He will have me.

But I can't help but stay in a tense posture, as much away from him as possible for me in my weak state. I'm scared that I'm forever going to be this frail, but I guess only time will tell. Though I rather knew now, so I might twine a plan to escape from him if some day I'll be strong enough to flee.

I decide shut my eyes and concentrate on the warmth of the sun for now. Instead only a feeling of dread fills me. Jacob's burning hot. His high temperature is catching me and burning me from the outside in as he hugs me closer to him. I wince and frown at the torture his giving me. He must know what this is doing to me. And that bastard says he loves me. He loves and cares only about himself. I'm just a thing, something to own for him. Nothing more.

He strokes his hands up and down my arms that I've rested in my lap. He leaves burning marks on my pale skin as he does and just hums an unknown, but frankly quite a beautiful melody behind me.

Suddenly he stops his actions and I feel him staring to the back of my head.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" he asks me and surprises me as well.

I turn my head slightly to look behind my shoulder at him.

"Well, you're quite hot", I mutter quietly and tense up in expectation of a beating or something.

Jacob gives me a lopsided grin with a dry laugh and says: "Well, I know that much at least. I'm probably the hottest guy around in Washington. You got pretty lucky, Eddie." I try my best at not rolling my eyes at his stupid remark.

"Probably in the whole U.S. And don't worry, you're hot too as you_ should_ know. Just in a different, angelic way." I bet he doesn't love me at all. In the forefront of his mind of what I can hear, it's the imprinting that's doing the whole "love" facade and trying to make me believe in him, but internally he has a sadistic nature to himself, and he likes to make me his little puppet doll he can push needles into. And his starting with my head.

"But I get what you mean. And you're really cold, and not just emotionally. Hmm, I could try to cool myself off for you by going for a little swim. Would you like to join me?"

What, he's giving me a choice? Should I say yes, so he knew he could always just give me options and I might actually choose what he would like me to, but later on I could also say no, and he wouldn't force me then? Or can I already say no and he won't force me?

I really don't want to get into the water with him. Especially if he wants me clothesless.

"Not really", I have to answer and anxiously wait for his next reply or move.

"Okay. Though Eddie, you still might have to just get used to my temperature. I can't always go for a swim before we touch", he says to me with a more serious tone. I can only nod to his words and turn my head away again.

I can hear him take away his clothes and even as he jumps into the pond, I keep my eyes focused on the ground beneath me.

"Uuh! It is still pretty cold... You're gonna want me now after this", I hear him laugh. I start picking at the grass, pulling one by one gently into a pile next to my knee. He's splashing and swimming away there somewhere and I try to enjoy the "left aloneness" as long as I can.

But it ends too soon and Jacob's there on the land with me again. He dries off quickly with his still too hot body heat and puts his clothes back on.

He sits down next to me, next to the knee that's next to the pile of grass. He instantly pulls me in his arms. I'm stunned by this actually. So much happened so fast.

Being honest, he does feel a bit cooler than before and it's quite comfortable now. But soon it won't be like that anymore and all I'll have to do is to adapt to his heat.

"Is this good?" he asks. His hand goes to my neck, just below my hair. It's firm and gentle at the same time. I hate to admit it, but I do feel quite safe now. His other arm wraps around my middle and pulls me a little closer to his lap, so my side's against his chest again.

"It's better", I manage to whisper. The hand on my neck moves to my jaw and he raises my chin to meet his eyes with mine. It's strange, to look into his brown eyes this intensely. It feels like I'm invading his personal privacy, because it's like I can dive right in him through his eyes. And I can read minds for God's sake, and that has never felt this odd either!

I wonder if he can see into me as well. Would he be terrified of what he would see? Would he leave me then?

Wait, should I then act like the most horrendous person ever walking this earth to make him leave me? But I already think I am, so what should I do different? Go and kill some humans?

But I wouldn't be able to, Jacob said he will control me better than Bella ever did, though I don't think Bella ever tried to do that with me. And probably the humans themselves might be able to defend from me, because I don't seem to be in the best shape for any kind of fighting, even verbal.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks quietly, his thumb stroking my cheek slowly and lovingly.

Lovingly?

No way am I going to describe any of his actions lovingly. Perhaps possessively or manipulatively, but never would he do anything for me in a loving way.

"Nothing", I answer as nonchalantly as I can.

"I bet you're lying. And I don't like people lying to me. Especially you", Jacob says sternly that it makes me almost shake in fear. What is he going to do to me now?

"It's nothing interesting", I try to explain. This intimacy is making me uncomfortable now, even if he's still pretty cool.

"I know that's a lie as well. I think it was something about me", he says. Shivers run down my spine.

"It still wasn't anything interesting you would care to hear", I try to reason.

"I care everything about you. Your feelings, your thoughts, you, everything."

Bullshit.

"Mmm", I hum as in agreement, hoping that will shut him up and be enough. Then I quickly think of another way to get out of this discussion. If he wants to prove me he loves me, then he might as well do this for me.

"I'm kind of tired by now. Could you take me home?" I ask and I rub my other eye with my hand, a habit I picked up from Bella once.

God, my dead heart still shatters a little more every time I even think of her name.

"Of course", he says and cups my cheek and kisses my forehead gently then. As I make my effort to stand up, without a warning I'm already picked up by him in bridal style. He makes his way through the forest back to my coven's house.

I grab a handful of his t-shirt next to my shoulder in my hand to make the whole scene a little more real. He carries me through the suspicious, golden eyes and to my room where he carefully lays me down onto the bed.

"I'll be back with you in no time. Just rest now, dear, I'll come back after I've eaten. Close your eyes, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite."

I do as he says and he gives me another kiss on my lips this time. I feel him watching over me for a while longer than normal and then he leaves. I hold my breath so hard that it hurts even though I don't need to breath. I just feel like a ton of concrete has been laid on top of my chest and I can never move from under it. And Jacob's definitely the concrete.

How the fuck am I going to do this? How the fuck am I going live?

In constant fear I suppose.


	12. Chapter 12

"Edward! Come down this instant!"

Oh no... What is it now?

Oh fuck!_ Fuck, fuck, fuck!_  
I fucking trusted Quil not to tell Jacob, but that fucker just couldn't keep his mouth shut evidently. It should be fine for me to go into the ocean if I wanted to, after-all you should make use of that opportunity if the sea is right there next to you. Jacob just won't let me go there without him. But it had been such a nice day and I just needed to get out of the house. I should've known the bastard wasn't brave enough not to tell Jacob under his scrutinizing investigation. Now I've got to deal with a mad Jacob, because of him.

I descend down the stairs to the living room/kitchen area where my furious mate was waiting for me. He had his arms crossed over his chest and stand tall and intimidating in the centre of the room. I try to keep my face pretty expressionless or just frustrated instead of looking like a scared kitten. I'm the one who's right here, not him. I got to defend myself.

I walk right over to him, but I have to look up to him now so give him a scowl.

"Do you know what you did wrong?" he demands to know his brown eyes intensely staring into mine. "I know I've done nothing wrong", I answer to him cheekily.

"I heard you went to the beach with Quil and went for a little swim."

"Yes, that's about right."

"Have you not listened to me, when I told you that you're not allowed to go into the ocean, when I'm not with you there?" He takes a strong hold of my chin as if to prove his point or something.

"I did hear you, but I never agreed to it. I can do whatever I want, and you have no say in me going to the beach!" I get away from his hold and take another step backwards whilst giving him a glare.

"You're confused, Edward. You're disoriented. That's why you can't make decision for yourself, so I look after you and make them for you. All I do, I do to keep you safe and sound. I thought we went over this before, dear." His voice is suddenly very soft and low. The hard look in his eyes has changed into worry and pity. I frown at him. I know that he's manipulating me. And it's really hard to fight it off anymore after all these years. With even second it becomes harder to resist. You can imagine in how much of a strain I've been these five years with him.

He walks closer to me and cups my face in his large hands.

_Uunggh..._

He presses his lips against mine softly. I respond very meekly and shy. His tongue brushes against my lips, suggesting me to open them. I oblige and he slips his tongue inside my mouth, exploring and deepening the kiss. After a time he pulls away and takes a moment to breath against my lips. He looks deep into my eyes again. "I love you. When are you going to understand that? It'll be so much easier if you did. You could just rely on me, dear and you won't have to think about anything. I'll take care of you and protect you."

_Don't believe him. _

But I've already made my mind about it. Long time ago. I should just give in, because I've got nothing to lose besides my free will. I'm not getting to do much with that either way.

Hesitantly I raise my hand and run it on his arm to his shoulder, both of us watching it as I do so. I bite my lip nervously as I do the same with my other hand. His strong, sinewy neck is where they meet at the back.

A smile of success forms on Jacob's lips and he loops his arms around my small waist to press me against his toned body. I gasp slightly at the contact of heat.

"Mmm", he hums and lowers his head somewhere near my ear. His hands lower as well, over my bottom. I bite my teeth together not to make a sound. "You're going to be much warmer after I'm done with you."

An actual moan leaves me. I can hear Jacob growl deep inside him even though it doesn't come out yet. I shudder in response as Jacob's grip becomes firmer on me.

"Finally", he grunts. In no time he has carried me upstairs. Now it's going to happen.


	13. Chapter 13

He takes my hand and leads us upstairs. But I scramble and stumble with my head being a mess, he takes me in his arms and carries me to the bedroom.

His breathing is ragged, his black eyes full of lust, his voice low and husky, I am sure he wants me bad.

He hovers over me, eyes fixated on mine and his hands wonder off to their own adventures on my body. His hands find my belt and unbuckles it, then swiftly slides it _all _off from me. Then his hands move under my blue shirt and they slide upwards till they met my shoulders, and he quickly takes the shirt off as well.

He himself is still clothed and I give him a look even through my daze. He grins at me and continues to feel me up.

He has never seen me naked before, in all these years. Not completely- He has kept his promise at not to do anything like this without my consent. Now I'm giving in finally and he's savoring every moment of it.

"You look so beautiful", he whispers in my ear, gives a lick on the outer shell while cradling my face in his warm hands. His whole body is so hot and flush against me, it's starting to get uncomfortable, but I'm trying to get over it. I just need to think of it as something pleasurable. His intentions were after-all to make me warm.

He moves his wet lips to my tense jaw, peppering it with small kisses. Suddenly his hips roll against mine and I release a whine which surprises us both. I close my eyes in embarrassment and turn my head away from him. He doesn't laugh as I expected him to, he just does it again and I can't hold back a whimper that escapes me.

I gather my courage and open my eyes to look at him again, and it's like nothing I've ever seen.

His eyes are purely focused on me, his gaze on me so intense, I can't look away again. The heat of his skin doesn't feel too bad anymore, it rather feels quite pleasant, as it has cooled down. But when I think about it, it has actually intensified and it spreads through me, heating me up to my core.

"I want to make love to you", he tells me. Just tells me. It's like a wish. Not a demand nor an ask. He wants to make love to me, and I want that too.

"Yes", I hear myself whisper back. He smiles down at me widely, his white teeth flashing. He looks so impossibly happy.

His lips attack mine again, but more passionately and deeply than before. He bites slightly my lower lip and I whimper yet again. His hips rut against my own, and God does it feel good. I hear him groaning and I feel him hardening. His knee pushes between my thighs, forcing them apart. I realize his intentions and spread them wider. I feel him smirk against my throat and bites and sucks gently. There's something in my stomach that is boiling and warm and my lower regions feel hot and bothered.

I want him to touch me. I'm aching. And I'll let him do anything to me if he will just touch me.

I finally do something with my hands and take them to his chest and tug on the fabric on it to take it off. He helps me and soon the grey t-shirt is off and on the floor. And it's off with the shorts as well and I feel him entirely now.

He settles between my tights and kisses his way down and then nuzzles his head in my groin. Finally, I think. I grip on the white sheets tightly and let my eyes close just to enjoy the feelings.

His moist fingers join the party and suddenly they are in me, spreading me wide open for him. The feeling is so unfamiliar and quite strange, but when he hits that bundle nerves in me, I'm in a bliss.

I clench around his fingers, needing them to move faster in me. But I know that wouldn't be very gratifying for Jacob.

He comes back up, his face in front of me and he licks his lips that form a smirk. My breathing is hitching and faster than before, coming in little gasps. I look at him through the hot neediness in my eyes. His fingers don't stop working on me and my thighs are tense but also trembling like my chest.

"You're so God damn beautiful, Edward. Just like this", he says with a soft voice and he presses his plump lips back on me and I grant him access to my mouth by opening my lips slightly. His tongue slips in and he groans into the passionate kiss and his fingers pump into me faster and harder. I whimper with all the feelings and my back arches as to feel him deeper.

I break the kiss to tell him I need him. Now. He smiles down at me and peppers more kisses onto my neck.

"Please, Jacob", I beg him and I grip on his silky hair that has grown longer and reaches his cheekbones by now.

"Of course, my love", he answers and then slowly he eases himself into me. God, he's big. And very firm and so hot. When he is finally seated fully inside of me, he looks up to my face as to see if I'm okay. I nod at him a little and he begins to move.

I can't even describe the wonderful feeling that it is when he fills me out so nicely and his big hands roam around my body, like they couldn't get enough of me. He slowly fastens his pace and I start moaning and whimpering. My legs shake so much and my back arches again. His other hand settles on my hip to keep me grounded as he pounds into me fast and hard, and his other hand hold my back up from where it's wrapped around my waist.

My head lolls back on the pillow and he sucks, licks and bites on my exposed neck more. It so erotic and I'm so hot and I'd be definitely sweating if I was human.

My legs wrap around his hips and I feel him even deeper in me and his hitting my prostate with every thrust.

"Oh God..." I mutter out incoherently and my eyes fall shut, and he attacks my lips once again. Suddenly his warm hard wraps around my member and I literally scream into his mouth.

He strokes it softly along with his thrusting and I can feel the boiling in my stomach intensifying with every second. I going to reach my high at any moment now.

Then it suddenly uncoils and I'm coming on my chest hard. Jacob keeps going and gets me through it with his soft ministrations on my body. It feels like he has already known my body for years, because he seems to know every sweet spot in me that even I don't know about.

He too comes and joins me in the bliss. I can feel his warm semen inside of me and I clench myself as to keep it in as well, when he eventually slips out.

My legs around his hips have tired and numbed and Jacob unwraps them and puts them down on the soft bed. He falls next to me on his side. I steady my breathing that I don't even need and he kisses along my collarbones.

"I love you so much", he whispers on my skin and the breath tickles me slightly. I smile while still looking at them wooden ceiling.

"I love you too", I confess and he brings me tighter to his chest. I turn to my side and cuddle into him, a bit coyly still and he strokes my hair with his hand. He gives me a kiss on my forehead as I close my eyes. "That was amazing", he says and his hand fall onto my bottom which makes me grin.

I know I won't fall asleep, but I can at least pretend I do as Jacob does and wraps himself around me tighter.


End file.
